This episode will change the way you think about every relationship in your life. 

Today, Harvard’s Dr. Stuart Ablon is distilling 30 years of behavior change research into one hour. 

Dr. Ablon is the Founder and Director of Think: Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, which focuses on Collaborative Problem Solving. An award-winning psychologist, Dr. Ablon is also a professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.

After listening, you will have a completely new approach to dealing with difficult people, challenging kids, and family members.

In this candid and relatable conversation, Mel and Dr. Ablon bust through the most common parenting myths and offers a simple 3 step approach for transforming even the most frustrating dynamics. 

This episode isn’t just about solving conflicts; it’s about creating a deeper understanding of others and fostering lasting change. 

Whether you're a parent, partner, or simply navigating life’s challenges, this conversation is for you.

For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.

If you liked this episode, and want to create a peaceful connection with family, listen to to this episode next: The Simple Tool That Will Transform Your Family Dynamic

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It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to do. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A child refuses to get dressed for school. Before long, our resentment builds, and we're tempted to issue more rules, reminders, and consequences. But the techniques we use to get people to alter their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. This week, psychologist Stuart Ablon explains why these methods fail, and offers better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change..

If you love Hidden Brain, join us for an upcoming live show! We'll be in Los Angeles on November 22, and more dates in 2026 are coming soon. For tickets and more info, go to hiddenbrain.tour.
 

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In the latest episode of the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast, we talk with Dr. Stuart Ablon, a psychologist and director at Think Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital. This episode is packed with vital insights on effective communication, the challenges of social media, and the importance of empathy in parenting. In this blog post, we delve into some of the key topics covered in their discussion and explore how fathers can better connect with their daughters through listening and understanding.

The Power of Listening

Dr. Ablon emphasizes a listening approach that includes asking questions, making educated guesses, reflecting back, and providing reassurance. Listening is a fundamental tool that fosters empathy and understanding. Rather than focusing on trying to motivate children to behave in specific ways, Ablon suggests that listening and collaborating on solutions can lead to more meaningful and lasting outcomes.

Balancing Work and Family Life

One of the challenges highlighted by Dr. Ablon is maintaining a balance between work and family life. In today's fast-paced world, the boundaries between work and home are increasingly blurred. Ablon advocates for the importance of being organized and efficient to preserve family time. This balance is crucial in ensuring fathers can be present and engaged in their daughters' lives.

Navigating Social Media

Social media's impact on children's brain development and mental health is a significant concern for today's parents. Dr. Ablon explains that while social media apps are designed to be addictive, leading to mental health risks, the introduction of social media should be based on individual child's skills, such as impulse control, rather than a specific age. He advises parents to start conversations about social media early, focusing on listening rather than immediately solving problems. Resources like "YourBrainOnSocialMedia.org" and the Shaw Family Foundation provide valuable guidance for parents.

Empathy as an Essential Skill

Ablon's philosophy, "kids do well if they can," underscores the idea that individuals, including dads, perform to the best of their current abilities. Building empathy involves understanding another person's experiences and perspectives without necessarily having personal experience or agreement. This understanding is crucial in shaping healthy relationships and solving behavioral issues collaboratively with children.

Consistency and Role Modeling

Dr. Ablon emphasizes the importance of consistency and modeling the behavior parents wish to see in their children. Children are quick to detect hypocrisy, making it essential for parents to recognize and own their mistakes honestly. He suggests that dads unsure of how to start conversations about challenging topics like social media should focus on easier aspects and choose optimal settings for discussions.

This episode offers indispensable advice for fathers aiming to build strong connections with their daughters. By prioritizing listening, balancing work and family, navigating the complexities of social media thoughtfully, and fostering empathy, dads can create an environment where their daughters feel understood and supported. Want to be a part of our new community? Fill out this short survey to tell us more!

Remember, effective communication and empathy are cornerstones of successful parenting. As Dr. Ablon reminds us, listening is not just hearing words but truly understanding the feelings and perspectives behind them.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:16]: Welcome back to The Dad & Daughter Connection podcast where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughters' lives, raising them to be strong, independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week, you know, we have a conversation together to be able to help you walk on this path that you're walking on, to help your daughters to become those strong, independent women that you want them to become. None of us walk into fatherhood knowing exactly what we're doing. There is no one right way to be a father. There's no one right manual. So it is so important for us to be able to be on this journey together, to be open to listening, to learning, and to hearing what others have to say, and to be able to find things that we can take and put into action with our own kids. That's what this podcast is all about.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: Every week, I love being able to be on this journey with you, but also to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that are bothering in their own way, but also that have resources that you can draw from to help you on this journey that you're on. Today, we got another great guest with us today. Dr. Stuart Ablon is with us today, and Stuart is the founder and director of Think Kids in Think Kids in the department of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. He's an award winning psychologist. He is the Thomas Stenberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School, the author of 3 books, changeable, handpicked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach. I'm really excited to have him on today. We're gonna be having a conversation about him as a father himself, but also we're gonna be talking about social media and the impact of social media on our kids and some of the things that he's been delving a little bit deeper in, into looking at this, into identifying ways in which we might be able to work with our own kids on this as they're getting older and starting to utilize social media for themselves. So that being said, I am so excited to have Stuart here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:42]: Stuart, thanks so much for being here today.

Stuart Ablon [00:02:44]: My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me, Chris. It's, an honor to be here. I'm looking forward to the discussion.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:49]: Well, it's my pleasure having you here today. And the first and foremost thing that I love doing is getting to know you more as a father. So I wanna turn the clock back in time. I know you you have 3 kids, and I'm gonna focus on your daughter. I mean, that this is the the Dad & Daughter Connection podcast. And I know you've got an 18 year old daughter that's about to be grown and flown and out of the house and head into college, but I wanna go all the way back, all the way back to that first moment that you found out that you're gonna be a father to a daughter. What was going through your head?

Stuart Ablon [00:03:15]: Oh, gosh. Wow. You're taking me by surprise here, and I have to say just your question alone gives me goosebumps because I I do remember sitting there and watching the ultrasound and we actually had 2 older sons. And with our 3rd child, we decided that preparation trumped surprise. And so no longer were we gonna be surprised by boy or girl. Preparation with the 3rd was a good idea. So and when they said you're having a baby girl, I remember just being sort of overcome, frankly, with emotion and so excited. Daunting a little bit because I felt like I got this boy thing down a little bit and it's a experience near, but but so excited to have a girl join our family as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:03:52]: And I have to say it's a little tough imagining and extending her off to college and that chapter of my life being done. But, yeah, it's been my greatest pleasure in my life really is raising these children and having a daughter as the baby, the last one, incredibly special, and she's a special kid.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]: Well, one chapter closes, but another chapter opens. So you're definitely never done being a father. And fatherhood is not always an easy thing. There's gonna be ups. There's gonna be downs. And I talk to a lot of dads about being a father to a daughter, and many of the dads say that they walk into fatherhood being a little fearful. But especially when they have a daughter, there's some fear that goes into that. What would you what would you say was your biggest fear in raising a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:04:38]: Well, and honestly, I I have to say, I did feel fear, but I also felt, like, equal measure, just excitement and just being thrilled for the experience of having a daughter. And, you know, I I don't wanna try to call it fear, but I felt maybe you could call it pressure, a little bit of anxiety to really be the kind of role model for her that would set the stage for, honestly, the kind of relationship she would wanna have in her life and potentially with men and partners in her life in the future as well, depending on how, you know, everything panned out for her. So I felt some some, you know, I think, inherent pressure, in that regard. And just to protect her and take care of her because the world can be a scary complicated place, period, and particularly for young girls and women. And so there was that feeling as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:27]: So you talk about fear. And as you go through you talked about phases of fatherhood, and you go through a number of phases of fatherhood as your children are getting older. As you think back to those different phases with your own daughter, what was the hardest part for you in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:05:44]: When I think about all the sort of joys of fatherhood when it comes to a daughter, I think the hardest part for me is trying to find a way to be close to her and involved with her in areas that typically fall into the this is mom's territory. And, you know, I'm the kind of parent who I wanna be involved in everything. And the boys, there were no limitations. And then along comes some issues especially around puberty and beyond that it's like, oh, that's not typically something that dad's involved in. And wanting to normalize that actually dads can be involved in those things as well. And and, you know, so but how to walk that line respectfully, carefully, and be able to be a part of things.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:28]: I think that's so important, and so many dads with daughters have to walk that road and figure out how they can be a part of it, be there for their child even though and empathize with their child and try to understand what they're going through even though they're never gonna truly understand.

Stuart Ablon [00:06:44]: Well, and this is where, you know, I think sometimes people misunderstand. They think empathy means you have to have walked in somebody's shoes when actually the the word empathy, it really means to understand, and you can work really hard to try to understand somebody else's experience, perspective, concerns, etcetera, even if you don't share them. And in my work, I'm always reminding people empathy also doesn't mean agreeing or disagreeing. It just means trying to understand, which is something that I try to work really hard to do as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:12]: Now you've been busy. I talked about all the different accolades, all the things that you're doing, working at Mass General, working at Harvard, being an author, doing a lot of different things. And as you were doing all of those different things, you're also balancing and trying to find that balance between profession and home life and whatever hats you're wearing. Talk to me about balance and what you had to do to be able to balance work and raising your kids.

Stuart Ablon [00:07:42]: Yeah. I mean, I think it's the it's one of the biggest challenge for working parents. And, you know, for me, I I have to say, I I really have felt strongly all along that I wasn't gonna be somebody who was working all the time on the weekends and in evenings and things like that. And I really wanted to preserve a lot of family time and be present for my kids and show up at all their games and all their events and recitals and everything. And to me, that meant really having to be super efficient, to be honest, and make sure that I was, like, highly organized and efficient and effective. And I have traveled a lot for my work. So when I have to travel, making the absolute most of those times, so that when I know I come back, I'm ready to be there with the kids, which is why, you know, historically, you wouldn't see me watching many movies on an airplane. You'd see me cranking away, getting my work done so that I could arrive back and be present.

Stuart Ablon [00:08:34]: But it's really hard, especially in this new reality where the sort of boundary between work and home life is eroded. You have to be really diligent about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]: Now I mentioned at the beginning of this that you have been working very closely, with Mass General, but also with some of the work that you're doing with some other nonprofit organizations on looking at social media and understanding the impact of social media and on kids today. I would love to delve a little bit deeper on some of the work that you're doing. If you can give my give me a little bit more context and what you're learning in regards to how social media and electronics use in general is impacting maybe the brain development of our kids, but also the interactions, the relationship building, the social skills, etcetera, that kids are trying to maneuver through in this time and age.

Stuart Ablon [00:09:32]: Sure. I'd be happy to. You know, I think this is, in my mind, the biggest parenting challenge of our generation as parents, because there's been, frankly, a massive social experiment that's been going on with our children's brains and mental health as they've been exposed to social media and have smartphones in their hands and at their side at every moment. And I've seen this in my eldest is 25. My My youngest that we were talking about is 18. Just in those 7 years, remarkable differences in sort of the influence and the impact of smartphones and and social media in particular on our kids. And there's no doubt there's an incredibly strong correlation between the amount of, for instance, social media use and risk for mental health issues. And we don't have the kind of research that can tell whether this is correlational, whether it's the more time you spend on them, the the worse your mental health is, or could go in the opposite direction.

Stuart Ablon [00:10:24]: But we do know that these apps that kids are spending most of their time on are sort of built algorithmically to addict. They are built to just have the kids want more and more and more and more and attach themselves to them. And there are a number of consequences to that and not particularly healthy for when we look at how human brains develop in the best of cases, sort of healthy human neurotypical brain development. Those are not the ideal circumstances for our brains to develop in this social world that we live in. There's a ton of reasons to be really worried about the impact of social media on our kids' mental health. Not to say that it's all evil and terrible because particularly for some kids from historically, marginalized communities, those kids can find incredible connection on social media and belonging, but it's complicated for them as well. And for most kids, it's a big risk. Now the work that I've historically done over the last few decades, I've specialized in helping parents and other adults work together collaboratively with kids to try to solve really tough problems that are involved in very concerning behavior.

Stuart Ablon [00:11:29]: And I've done work in homes, schools, treatment centers, hospitals, prisons, all kinds of places over the years. And we've developed an approach that's been shown to help adults problem solve together with kids, decrease concerning behaviors, solve problems, help build or restore our relationships with kids and help kids build the skills they need to handle things more independently in the future. So why do I say that? Well, because a partner, the Shaw family foundation here in Boston approached us because they've been doing a lot of work on the impact of social media on our kids and their mental health. And one of the things that kept coming up all the time from parents is parents were saying, okay. It's great to hear about all these parental controls that we may be able to use. It's great to hear that legislation is coming down, you know, down the pike soon to try to protect our kids. But what do we do in the meantime? And what most parents, most of us are told is you need to be talking to your kids about social media. So for me, as a dad, I need to talk to my daughter about social media.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:26]: Well, Chris, I don't know if you've had these conversations, but in my experience, I'm working with tons of parents. Most parents try to have these conversations, and the experience is easier said than done. And it either, like, goes nowhere or gets, like, conflictual. And either case, it ends up with us dads being, like, okay. I'm out. Forget it. Like, I don't you know, this is that's it. I tried.

Stuart Ablon [00:12:49]: As opposed to an ongoing conversation, which is really what we need to be having with our kids. So that's the work we've been doing is trying to equip parents with the skills to have these conversations with our kid, and we have sort of a pretty clear formula for how to do that, honestly.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:05]: So talk to me about that strategy. And as you said, it's not a one time conversation that you have to have. But I guess a lot of times, parents are getting mixed information when they look online or they talk to others about when did you introduce your kids to social media? And maybe that's not the right question to ask is when, but maybe it's what skills your kids really need to have to be able to manage the responsibility of being on social media. So I guess in you hearing both of those pieces, is there a right age? Or are there specific skills that we need to be teaching our kids first to allow for them to be prepared enough to manage the responsibility of being on social media in general.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:00]: Yes. To manage the responsibility and to protect and safeguard themselves, their their mental health, etcetera. So the answer to your question, you know, is there a right age or is it about the sort of skills that a kid has? The answer is yes. It it you know, it's both. The reality is the longer you can hold out, the better. There's a lot of good research that shows if you can hold out till somewhere at least in the 10 to 13 range, it's gonna be a lot better for a kid's mental health. 15 might be ideal, but that's hard to do these days with everybody else on social media. So the longer you can in that window, the better.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:34]: But it depends. It really depends on your kid's skills. How socially skilled are they? How much impulse control do they have? These things vary. Not all 10 year olds have the same level of impulse control. Some 13 year olds have 10 year old level of impulse control, for instance. So, you know, that really has to be taken into account. But, you know, we have a lot of resources. The website that, we created together, the Shaw Family Foundation, sponsored all this work and has organized this all.

Stuart Ablon [00:14:59]: The website is called your brain on social media. Your brain on social media dot org. Ton of resources that can guide parents in making these kinds of decisions. You know, regardless of whether your kid's on social media now, we're thinking about it, what age, etcetera, ton of resources there. And one of the big resources you'll see is the part that I've been heavily involved in, which is how how to talk to your kids about social media. Although I was joking the other day, I think it's a little bit of a misleading title because what we really ought to call it is how to listen to your kids when it comes to social media. Because the most effective collaborations with our children, the sort of foundation of them is listening to our kids first and foremost.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:40]: And sometimes dads are not always the best at listening. So we have to keep that in mind is that sometimes we try to fix way more than we try to hear what's being told to us, especially from our daughters. And I think that it's so important, like you said, that we do have to be able to listen and and really hear what they're saying. And you have to start early to be able to set that relationship up.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:05]: Absolutely. We have a bit of a philosophy that guides our work when it's applied to kids. It it sounds like this. It it goes, kids do well if they can. Not kids do well if they want to. And if they're not doing well, we just gotta make them want to. But kids do well if they can. We we think that all kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have to handle what the world's thrown at them, but we apply this to adults as well.

Stuart Ablon [00:16:24]: And we should most certainly apply it to dads, which is to say dads do well if they can. So we dads may not always be great at listening, but we're doing the best we can with the skills we have. And here's the good thing, we can build those skills. And to your point, Chris, the earlier we build them, the better for us getting better at it and for building a relationship with our daughters that really emphasizes listening, understanding and collaborating. And it's one of the things I spend a lot of time doing is actually teaching people how to listen because we tend to jump to solutions very quickly. And, you know, I think if we're really being honest with ourselves, when we're talking to somebody, somebody's saying something to us, we tend to spend more time thinking about how am I going to respond to what I'm hearing than let me make sure I really understand what I'm hearing. But that can be taught. You can learn how to do that.

Stuart Ablon [00:17:14]: It's one of the things that we we show when it comes to these conversations around social media is there are some very clear guideposts you can follow to make sure you're really focusing on listening. It's

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:23]: so important to do, and it's not always the easiest thing, and you're gonna have you're probably gonna stumble more times than not, and you're gonna have to pick yourself up and just try again. And the nice thing is is that your kids will your kids tend to forgive you a lot more than others will, and they will give you a lot more grace in regards to the amount of times they'll forgive you. So especially when they're young. So keep that in mind. As you're trying to have these conversations, don't be afraid of them. Jump in. Talk about the things that you've had problems with and that you've been kind of drawn into yourself because even adults can be drawn in to the addictiveness of social media. And if we can get drawn in, that means our kids are gonna be drawn in even quicker.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:07]: Absolutely. The thing is that listening is so hard, frankly. I often recommend to parents when they're approaching trying to do some problem solving around social media to not even try to problem solve in the first conversation. To have your first conversation simply be listening. The process of empathizing, gathering information from your child, trying to understand their perspective, their point of view, asking a lot of questions, taking guesses if you need. Anytime you hear something from your child, reflecting back to them what you've heard to make sure you've got it correctly. Those kinds of things to really understand whatever aspect of social media you're trying to talk about. And, you know, that's one thing, Chris, we haven't really covered, but I think another mistake that we dads and parents in general tend to make is trying to have a conversation about social media at large.

Stuart Ablon [00:18:52]: Way too big. I always tell people bite off some piece that you can chew, whether that's like use of social media after school that's getting in the way of homework time or it's keeping kids up at night or you're worried about a particular aspect of social media, like being stuck on tracking where your friends are at all times that makes you feel like you're left out of different things to being on in the, on social media or your phone in the car when you ordinarily could be connecting with other people or, your phone finding its way to the dinner table or things like pick a thing to start and ideally low hanging fruit. That's something you can get some traction on, pick an aspect, one piece first and start there and start with the listening.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]: Now one of the other questions that I guess that I ask is about consistency. And what comes to mind is, as I was talking about your kids giving you grace, I think they also are very much watching you. And how do you talk to parents about dealing with inconsistency when it comes to what you may be doing versus what you're telling them that they should be doing and how you have some parity there?

Stuart Ablon [00:20:01]: We just hosted an event focused on this topic, and we were joking that one of my fellow panelists was saying that kids are like heat seeking missiles, I think she said, for, hypocrisy, and this is a great example of that. Like, if you try to set some boundaries, some expectations, rules around social media use, and then you violate them yourselves, Oh, look out. You are going to be called out. But honestly, rightfully so in most cases. I mean, it's like any other behavior that we're concerned about with our kids. We have to model as parents the way we want them to go about this. And as you said earlier, Chris, that's hard. It is really easy for us to get caught up in the addictive algorithms of things we're scrolling on and 20 minutes later feel like I just wasted 20 minutes of my life when I could have been connecting with my daughter being out doing something active, like all kinds of things.

Stuart Ablon [00:20:47]: So it's okay to mess up. We're not gonna be perfect models all the time, but what's important is to own it when you mess up. And to be able to recognize and point out to your daughter that, you know, you struggle with this as well. And I've actually had instances where my daughter who's holding me accountable to the things that I've suggested we ought to be practicing as a family. Now having said that, it is also okay for us parents to have different set of expectations for, for instance, social media use than kids because our brains are much more fully developed, and we hopefully have more impulse control and perspective taking skills and things like that so that we can navigate this world a bit more successfully. So it's okay. Just like it's okay in a family to have different expectations for different kids because they're at different developmental levels. That's okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:41]: So for the Dad that's listening right now that is at his wit's end, he doesn't know how to start this conversation or really broach the topic to get things moving. Where would you have him start?

Stuart Ablon [00:21:53]: Well, first thing I would say to him is, like I said a few moments ago, pick an aspect of this conversation you wanna focus on. And what are the easier ones than one of the harder ones? So pick any aspect of it. If it's, like I said, that your your daughter wants to be on her phone when she's going to bed and you're worried that, you know, it's keeping her up way too late and making her tired the next morning, etcetera, etcetera. Make that the focus. Just that piece. And then I would say to him, give some thought to when and where and while doing what it's gonna be best to have this conversation. Because oftentimes, the worst thing we can do, Chris, is, like, call the family meeting and sit down looking at each other, and it's, like, very disregulating for kids. So pick a time when you know your daughter is more accessible.

Stuart Ablon [00:22:36]: Like, when my daughter was younger, she loved to go out in the street in front of our house and have me throw a football back and forth with her. It's this sort of patterned, repetitive, rhythmic, regulating experience, and we can have great conversations. Other times, it's when we're in the car and she's captive and we don't have to look at each other or, you know, it it just pick your spots, I think is the first thing to say. But then I would say to him, kick it off with a neutral observation. Say something that about the problem that that doesn't put your daughter on the defensive immediately. Say something like, hey, I've noticed that, or it looks like, or it seems as if, and fill in the blank with the situation. Hey. It seems as if you've been on your phone a bunch or you've wanted to be on your phone a bunch right before you go to bed and I'm just sort of curious about that.

Stuart Ablon [00:23:21]: Fill me in. What what's up with that? So you're just trying to launch a conversation with as neutral an observation as possible and just ask for information and then you hop right into listening mode. And I tell people I I've studied this. I studied this for about 5 years and I found when we are listening to our kids we should be doing 4 things and 4 things only. Asking questions, taking educated guesses if need be because they're having a hard time filling us in, reflecting back to them in our own words, anything we're hearing from them to make sure we're getting it correctly. And the 4th thing is if they start to get upset or shut down or anything, reassure them that this is not about you imposing your will upon them, that you're really wanting to understand their experience, their concerns, their perspective. So for me, that looks like saying things like, hey, you're not in trouble, Or I'm not saying you can't. I just wanna understand what's going on here.

Stuart Ablon [00:24:09]: I know there must be an important reason that, for example, you're on your phone a lot before bed, and I just wanna understand that. So help phone me in. Questions, guesses, reflect anything you heard, provide reassurance, and just do that. That would be my guidance to this hypothetical dad we're talking about is just do that piece first. Don't worry about your concerns, your perspective, your point of view, your proposed solutions. Hold on to those. We'll get to those later. Listen first.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:33]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our fatherhood 5, where I ask you 5 more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:40]: I think so. I hope so.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:42]: In one word, what is fatherhood?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:43]: Joy.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:44]: When was the time that you finally felt like you succeeded in being a father to a daughter?

Stuart Ablon [00:24:48]: Watching my daughter interact with adults at school and getting a chance to sort of see her in action in her school felt like I've done my job here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:00]: If I was to talk to your kids, how would they describe you as a dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:04]: Probably silly, not taking myself too seriously. But since we're coming off of a bladed Father's Day with my daughter and she wrote me the sweetest of cards, she also described me as interested and always interested in what she's up to and supportive. And so even just getting I get choked up just thinking about it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:22]: Now who inspires you to be a better dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:25:25]: I mean, that's an easy one. You know, my dad, same thing. You know, my dad is the ultimate support. You know, he's like in your corner at all times. And the other thing about my dad is my dad, if you ask my dad to do anything, anything, his answer is, yep. Let's go do it. Always up for everything. So tremendous role model and mentor as a dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]: Now you've given a lot of piece of advice. You've shared your own journey and definitely given a lot of advice as it comes to social media. But in thinking about all dads out there, what's one piece of advice you'd wanna give to every dad?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:01]: A piece of advice I would give to every dad is resist the temptation to think that our role as dads is to motivate our children to behave in the ways that we want them to behave and sort of incentivize them. And instead, embrace that notion that I said before, which is kids do well if they can, but all our kids are trying to do the best they can. It's it's infrequently a lack of motivation that's getting in any kid's way. Listen hard, empathize, try and understand where they're coming from, and then collaborate and invite our kids to be co authors of solutions because it's not only great practice for our kids, but my goodness, the kids come up with some great ideas too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]: They sure do. Now I know that you mentioned the foundation that you're working with, but if people wanna find out more about you, the work that you're doing, where should they go?

Stuart Ablon [00:26:48]: Thanks. Sure. So the program that that I have the pleasure of directing at at Mass General Hospital is called Think Kids. And if people go to think kids, the word think and the word kids put together dot org, they'll find all about the resources we offer there. People can find me, personally at, stewartablon.com. That's stewartab l0n.com. And the partnership with the Shaw Family Foundation, that's spelled shah, Family Foundation, around social media. A tremendous resource is your brain on social media.org.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:24]: I really encourage people to check it out. There's so much rich information there and really easy resource guides to walk us parents, us dads through how to have these collaborative conversations. Really helpful. So I encourage people to use those resources.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:39]: Well, Stuart, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Thank you for being here and the work that you're doing to help parents to maneuver through this challenging time that we're in, and I truly wish you all the best.

Stuart Ablon [00:27:52]: Well, it was great to meet you. Thank you for your work supporting dads on this difficult but incredibly fulfilling journey. I mean, that's right. That's fatherhood is is the most fulfilling and the most challenging thing, you know, you'll do. So So thank you for supporting people. Thank you for having me on. I hope it's helpful for people. And remember, dads do well if they can.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: We're all in the same boat And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your a game. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen. Get out and be the world to them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]: Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

We rethink “behavior problems” with Dr. Stuart Ablon, showing why kids struggle when skills lag and how collaboration—not control—creates durable change. We walk through Plan B step-by-step, with a classroom role play that turns disruption into progress.

• kids do well if they can as core mindset
• relationship quality as strongest predictor of change
• plans A, B, C defined with pros and cons
• plan B three steps: empathy, adult concern, invite solutions
• externalizing the problem to reduce defensiveness
• real-time role play: talking during math
• testing solutions against both concerns for realism
• building intrinsic motivation via mastery, autonomy, relatedness
• strategic use of plan C for prioritization
• how adults regulate themselves to avoid power struggles
• resources for learning more about Think Kids and Collaborative Problem Solving

About our guest
Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., is Founder and Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. An award-winning psychologist, Dr. Ablon is Associate Professor and the Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of three books, Changeable, hand-picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach. Dr. Ablon received his doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and completed his training at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. One of the world’s top-rated thought-leaders and keynote speakers, Dr. Ablon teaches educators, parents, clinicians, managers, and leaders a very different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior of all types and in all people. Dr. Ablon has helped hundreds of organizations throughout the world implement the Collaborative Problem Solving approach.

Connect with Stuart
Stuart Ablon
Changeable
The School Discipline Fix

Got a story to share or question you want us to answer? Send us a message!

About the podcast
The KindlED Podcast explores the science of nurturing children's potential and creating empowering learning environments.

Powered by Prenda Microschools, each episode offers actionable insights to help you ignite your child's love of learning. We'll dive into evidence-based tools and techniques that kindle young learners' curiosity, motivation, and well-being.

Got a burning question?
We're all ears! If you have a question or topic you'd love our hosts to tackle, please send it to podcast@prenda.com. Let's dive into the conversation together!

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In this episode, Dr. Stuart Ablon—a renowned clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School faculty member—shares a radically different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior in kids and adults alike. He introduces the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) model, built on a powerful insight: "People do well if they can."

Through real-life examples and a live roleplay with Tim and Troy Green, Dr. Ablon walks us through a practical, three-step framework to handle difficult situations without power struggles, guilt, or frustration. Whether you're a parent, teacher, coach, or boss, this episode will give you tools to build empathy, connection, and real problem-solving skills in your relationships.

Visit Dr. Ablon's website: https://www.stuartablon.com

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What do you do when someone you love - whether it’s your kids, a spouse, or a friend - keeps doing the same maddening things? 

This week, we’re tackling how to approach the most frustrating dynamics in any relationship. Dr. Alison is joined by award-winning psychologist Dr. J. Stuart Ablon, founder of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School. 

He shares a game-changing mindset shift: most challenging behavior is about skill, not will.

If you’ve ever thought, “They just don’t care,” about someone you love, this conversation provides a proven, practical path to real solutions. 

This episode explores:

• The five core skills that drive every behavior
• The real reason most people struggle
• How to keep your cool and trade judgment for curiosity
• The exact words that lower defensiveness fast
• Why boundaries still matter—and how to set them collaboratively
• A step-by-step walkthrough of Collaborative Problem Solving in action

For more from Dr. Stuart Ablon, check out his many free resources:

💡For free access to an interactive, self-paced course for parents, go to https://thinkkids.org/Self-Paced-Courses/Parent-Caregiver-Course/ Use code: BestofYou

🏥 Think: Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital 

📚Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work

Here are some other episodes you might like :

Episode 86: Embracing Conflict—Why It's Essential & 4 Simple Ways to Tackle It

Episode 70: Mastering the Art of Emotional Intelligence—How to Harness the Power of Your Emotions to Improve Your Relationships

📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here

💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode.

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Joining me is Dr. Stuart Ablon, a psychologist, Harvard Medical School professor, founder and director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and author of several books, including Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work.

Together we explore:

• Why kids' struggles are more about lagging skills than lack of motivation.

• The importance of empathy, co-regulation, and relationship-building in reducing conflict.

• The 3 "plans" parents can choose from when kids aren't meeting expectations—and how to use them effectively.

• How Collaborative Problem Solving offers a structured yet compassionate alternative to "tough love" or "gentle parenting."

• Practical ways to use this approach proactively and in the heat of the moment.

• How practicing this method not only improves behavior, but also fosters resilience, flexibility, and stronger parent–child bonds.

Whether you're a parent, teacher, or clinician, this conversation offers practical tools and a fresh perspective to help you support kids with understanding, structure, and collaboration

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:

🔗 https://www.stuartablon.com/

🔗 https://thinkkids.org/

📚 Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work

💻 Tedx Talk

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM:

📱@thinkkidscps

📱@drsarahbren

ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:

👉 Dr. Ablon has generously shared an amazing parenting resource with us. Visit https://thinkkids.org/Self-Paced-Courses/Parent-Caregiver-Course/ and use Code: SecurelyAttached to get access to this course for ✨FREE✨ Available in both English and Spanish.

💥 Tired of constant battles with your child? Watch my ✨FREE✨ workshop, Overcoming Power Struggles, where I'll teach you the exact strategies I use in my clinical practice to help parents break free from the cycle of yelling, threats, and negotiations—and instead foster cooperation, connection, and calm. Just visit drsarahbren.com/powerstruggles to get instant access to this workshop.

📚 The Explosive Child: A New Approach For Understanding And Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children

CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:

🎧 328. The neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids: Supporting your child's emotional growth and regulation with Dr. Kristen Lindquist

🎧24. The psychology behind dysregulation with founder of Parenting Translator Cara Goodwin

🎧06. Teaching children emotion regulation skills through coregulation with Dana Rosenbloom

🎧318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud

Mari Fong & Kat Jensen interview Lzzy Hale of Halestorm and expert J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., Harvard Medical School. 

Today's featured guest just came back from playing with Metallica, Slayer, Lamb of God and the great Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath, for the “Back to the Beginning” show, touted as "the greatest day in the history of heavy metal." A bigger hint? She was the only female rocker invited to perform onstage. Yes, today we have the great Lzzy Hale of Halestorm, a Grammy Award winner who’s also a mental health advocate having been a member of the Grammy Mental Health Panel, Halestorm recently dropping their 6th studio album entitled, “Everest” on August 8. Lzzy will share her story of battling depression, panic attacks, anxiety and alcoholism, and then share the solutions that managed her demons. We’ll also find out why she feared Alcoholics Anonymous, who convinced her into therapy, and how she survives and thrives as one of the greatest female metal rockers in music. I’ll also play a clip of Halestorm’s single, “Everest” at the end of our episode. 

Next, our featured expert is an award-winning psychologist from Harvard Medical School, Dr. J. Stuart Ablon. Dr. Ablon is known for his revolutionary approach for creating change, not just for our mental health and addiction but also for use in our everyday lives. We’ll tackle questions like, “How do you approach someone who may be in danger of losing their life to their addiction?” And the meaning behind his tag lines, "People do well if they can, and behavior is about skill, not will.”  But first, let’s hear Lzzy Hale of Halestorm, share her story, and for this interview, musician Kat Jensen, will be joining me. 

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The information shared during this interview is for general informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered professional medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for any individualized medical concerns.

In this episode of Get Psyched, we sit down with Dr. J. Stuart Ablon—clinical psychologist, founder of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Ablon has spent decades championing a compassionate, evidence-based approach to challenging behavior called Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS)—a model built on empathy, co-regulation, and the belief that “kids do well if they can.”

We explore Dr. Ablon’s personal journey, from his early inspirations to his work transforming schools, hospitals, juvenile justice systems, and beyond. He breaks down the core principles of CPS, shares how it can be applied across psychiatry and other disciplines, and offers practical advice for medical students, residents, and clinicians navigating high-stress environments.

From dismantling misconceptions about behavior management to addressing systemic inequities, Dr. Ablon invites us to rethink how we understand, and respond to, human behavior. Whether you’re a medical student, psychiatrist, educator, or simply curious about new ways to foster connection and change, this conversation will leave you informed, inspired, and ready to collaborate.

Links to resources:

https://www.stuartablon.com/

https://thinkkids.org/

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https://uppbeat.io/t/cruen/city-streets

License code: 2JJVCBQKEE2GJH5N

This week Andrew talks with world-renowned psychologist Dr. Stuart Ablon. Dr. Ablon is one of the world’s most trusted experts on how to understand & change behavior. Dr. Ablon’s frameworks are steeped in decades of research & clinical experience  —  and can be applied in the home, the classroom, the boardroom, & beyond. The ideas he shares will reshape how you deal with challenging behavior, navigate difficult situations, & manage conflict in day-to-day life. 

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DISCLAIMER: This podcast is solely for educational & entertainment purposes. It is not intended to be a substitute for the advice of a physician, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by someone’s behavior— whether it’s a partner, friend, coworker, or even yourself— this episode will give you the tools to handle those moments effortlessly.

Today, we’re joined by Dr. Stuart Ablon, a Harvard Medical School professor, clinical psychologist, and one of the world’s leading experts on behavior. Dr. Ablon is the founding director of Think:Kids at Mass General Hospital, which focuses on Collaborative Problem Solving, an evidence-based approach found to reduce challenging behavior and currently used worldwide in schools, businesses, prisons, and relationships.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

🧠 Why behavior is about skill, not will— and why most of us get this wrong

🔍 How empathy, curiosity, and connection are the keys to real behavior change

🔄 Why punishment and consequences often fail— and what works better in parenting, leadership, and relationships

✨ The five core thinking skills behind behavior and how stress and trauma affect them

💡 A 4-step empathy framework you can use in any conflict, conversation, or relationship

This episode is packed with simple, powerful strategies to solve problems effectively. You’ll see what’s really going on beneath the surface of challenging behavior— and how to respond in a way that actually works.

—

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hat if we told you there’s a better way to handle challenging behavior than punishment? In this episode, Dina Sargeant welcomes J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D, a trailblazer in child psychology, to explore how positive discipline can transform how parents and children connect.

J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D is a renowned psychologist, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, and founder of Think at Massachusetts General Hospital. A thought leader in behavioral psychology, Dr. Ablon has authored three acclaimed books, including Changeable, and speaks at major conferences like SXSW and TedX. His innovative approach helps families and educators address challenging behaviors with empathy and understanding.

J.Stuart Ablon, Ph.D unpacks the core principles of positive discipline, explaining how it diverges from traditional punitive methods. He highlights the long-term effects punishment can have on a child’s emotional development, and how it influences their view of authority and problem-solving.

This episode also covers steps parents can take to repair any damage caused by punishment, helping restore self-esteem and emotional resilience. By shifting to positive discipline, parents can strengthen bonds with their children, fostering mutual respect, better communication, and a constructive path to positive behavior.

Follow J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D’s work at:
Website: https://www.stuartablon.com/what-we-do
Think:Kids website: https://thinkkids.org/staff_members/dr-j-stuart-ablon/ 

Produced by the Parenting Science Labs, a division of LMSL, the Life Management Science Labs.

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We handed the mics over to Rich Graziano and Dave Paxton to talk to Dr. Stuart Ablon about why Collaborative Problem Solving is a useful approach in the field of child behavioral health. Listen in on this conversation among experts to learn more about how  and why The Village Network adopted Collaborative Problem Solving as an integral part of its trauma-informed culture!

Stuart Ablon, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist, Associate Professor and Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair at Harvard Medical School. He is the Founding Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital's Department of Psychiatry. He focuses on transforming our understanding and response to challenging behavior. An award-winning psychologist and Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, he has authored four books, including Changeable, which was selected by notable figures for the Next Big Idea Club. Dr. Ablon speaks globally at conferences like SXSW and TedX, promoting a practical approach to understanding and addressing behavioral challenges while fostering mental health skills.

Follow Let’s Explore That on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads!

Let’s Explore That is a production of The Village Network, a nonprofit behavioral health provided for children. If you’d like to learn more about The Village Network, visit www.thevillagenetwork.org or subscribe to our newsletter.

If you are struggling with your mental health, you’re not alone. Please visit https://findtreatment.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to get help and find resources near you. If you are in crisis, please call 988 immediately.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not necessarily represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of The Village Network. The material presented here is for general informational purposes and for personal use only and is not intended to replace or constitute medical advice, medical information, legal advice, investment advice, or other professional advice or guidance for a particular purpose.  All copyrighted information and trademarks and all forms and abbreviations of the same are the property of their respective owners, and their use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

Dr. Stuart Ablon is the Founding Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital and an Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School. An award-winning psychologist, he authored three influential books on addressing challenging behavior. Dr. Ablon is a globally recognized speaker and teaches a unique approach to understanding and managing difficult behaviors across various settings. He has implemented his collaborative problem-solving approach in numerous organizations worldwide.

Today, Dr. Stuart Ablon drops truth bombs on outdated parenting tactics, pushing a revolutionary approach that combines empathy with collaboration. In an era where screens threaten to hijack family time, he hammers home the crucial role of face-to-face interaction in turbocharging kids' brain development. The doc's game-changing strategy? Shut up and listen. It's about drilling down to understand your kid's perspective, not just laying down the law.

Throughout this no-holds-barred conversation, Dr. Stuart Ablon serves up hard-hitting, actionable intel for parents ready to dominate the digital parenting game. His method is a powerful cocktail of empathy and understanding, offering a battle-tested alternative to weak, outdated parenting playbooks.

www.thedadedge.com/friday176

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www.stuartablon.com

www.yourbrainonsocialmedia.org

www.thinkkids.org

When you’re in an argument, do you tend to fight? Flee? Shut down? In this conversation, Dr. Stuart Ablon presents a secret third option—Collaborative Problem Solving. He talks us through the many valuable applications of this approach, from parenting to classrooms to the workplace. And he explains his philosophy that people do well if they can. Don’t miss Dr. Ablons tips and tricks for communicating more effectively and productively with the people in your life! J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist, Associate Professor and Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair at Harvard Medical School. He is the Founding Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital's Department of Psychiatry. He focuses on transforming our understanding and response to challenging behavior. An award-winning psychologist and Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, he has authored four books, including Changeable, which was selected by notable figures for the Next Big Idea Club. Dr. Ablon speaks globally at conferences like SXSW and TedX, promoting a practical approach to understanding and addressing behavioral challenges while fostering mental health skills.

Follow Let’s Explore That on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads!

Let’s Explore That is a production of The Village Network, a nonprofit behavioral health provided for children. If you’d like to learn more about The Village Network, visit www.thevillagenetwork.org or subscribe to our newsletter. If you are struggling with your mental health, you’re not alone. Please visit https://findtreatment.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to get help and find resources near you. If you are in crisis, please call 988 immediately. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed are the speaker’s own and do not necessarily represent the views, thoughts, and opinions of The Village Network. The material presented here is for general informational purposes and for personal use only and is not intended to replace or constitute medical advice, medical information, legal advice, investment advice, or other professional advice or guidance for a particular purpose. All copyrighted information and trademarks and all forms and abbreviations of the same are the property of their respective owners, and their use does not imply endorsement of or opposition to any specific organization, product, or service.

In todays podcast, Dr. Ablon explores how conventional discipline methods often backfire, creating a downward spiral of resentment and frustration, and a missed opportunity for growth. In this refreshing approach of changing problem behaviour, Dr. Ablon helps parents to understand that often behaviour is a result of "skill, not will". He looks at how like flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem solving are all required to help a child to move through challenging moments- and how often these skills need to be nurtured in our kids.

In the podcast, Dr. Ablon walks a parent through how to use collaborative problem solving when her child refuses to get off of his xbox!

Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., is Founder and Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. An award-winning psychologist, Dr. Ablon is Associate Professor and the Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of three books, Changeable, , The School Discipline Fix, and Coolio!-author of Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach.

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----------------------------------------------------------------------

My guest is Dr. Stuart Ablon, a renowned psychologist from Harvard Medical School, Associate Professor, and Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair. He is also the founding director of Think: Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. Dr. Ablon shares insights from his groundbreaking approach, Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS), which emphasizes empathy and skill-building over traditional discipline methods.

In this engaging episode, Dr. Ablon explains the importance of understanding and addressing children's underlying skills deficits and how parents can work collaboratively with their kids to solve behavioral issues. Through practical scenarios, listeners will learn how to apply the CPS model to everyday parenting challenges, fostering stronger relationships and better outcomes for children.

Whether you're a parent of a young child or a teenager, this episode provides valuable tools to help you navigate the complexities of raising a child with ADHD. Discover how empathy and collaboration can transform your parenting approach and support your child's development and well-being.

Learn more:

https://www.stuartablon.com/

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Today's parents and caregivers face the unique challenge of guiding kids through the complexities of social media, trying to ensure a safe and positive experience in the digital landscape. Over the past two decades, social media usage has skyrocketed among kids and teens, and right alongside it, we have seen mental health issues increase at an alarming rate. While legal action against social media companies aims to hold them accountable for their platforms' effects on kids and teens, and research continues to highlight these correlations, there has yet to be a great solution to protect children from the vulnerability they experience on these platforms. It doesn't feel like parents should wait for someone else to solve a problem that exists in so many households across the country.

In today’s special episode, Jill talks with Dr. Stuart Ablon, award-winning psychologist, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, and Founder and Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital. Jill talks to Dr. Ablon about his approach and how it can be used to have a productive conversation with your kids to talk about social media.

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How Do We Avoid Power Struggles & Frustration Between Parents and Children? How do we helping our children and ourselves during a time of crisis and fear? How do we discipline children in a positive way? How do we avoid anger, power struggles, and frustration between parents and children? How do we inspire our children rather than control them? A conversation between Rabbi YY Jacobson & Dr. Stuart Ablon.

This webinar took place on Friday 4 Kislev, 5784, November 17, 2023 & was facilitated through Yochanan Polter & Tova Korn of "FreshStart" https://jewishfreshstart.com/home

Fresh Start Retreat Our flagship program, Fresh Start Retreat, is a 7-day intensive retreat helping participants understand their past to create a brighter future.

What if we told you there are 3 plans we choose from in trying to get a child (or anyone) to do something we want them to do?  In this interview, learn about "Plan B," the winner for improving behavior.

Dr. Stuart Ablon, Founder and Director of Think: Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Boston Massachusetts General Hospital, shares this Plan B "recipe" with simple ingredients that can be used in any classroom or home.  It works!

"Kids Lack SKILL not WILL"

"Kids Do Well if They Can"

Resources:

Think: Kids

https://thinkkids.org/

Collaborative Problem Solving

https://thinkkids.org/cps-overview/

Rabbi YY Interviews Dr. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D. at a "Fresh Start" Alumni Webinar, moderated by Yochanan Polter co-founder of Fresh Start

Dr. Ablon is an award-winning psychologist, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, Founder and Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and the author of three books, including Changeable, hand-picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club. One of the world’s top-rated thought-leaders and keynote speakers at conferences including SXSW, TedX and NATCON, he teaches a very different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior of all types and in all people from homes to classroom to the boardroom.

Fresh Start Retreat is an intensive 7-day retreat designed for men and women who want to understand, process, and heal from unresolved trauma, neglect, and abuse. To learn more about Fresh Start Retreat Center please visit https://Jewishfreshstart.com

Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., is Founder and Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. An award-winning psychologist, Dr. Ablon is Associate Professor and the Thomas G. Stemberg Endowed Chair in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He is the author of three books, Changeable, hand-picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Dan Pink, and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach.

Dr. Ablon received his doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and completed his training at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. One of the world’s top-rated thought-leaders and keynote speakers, Dr. Ablon teaches educators, parents, clinicians, managers, and leaders a very different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior of all types and in all people. Dr. Ablon has helped hundreds of organizations throughout the world implement the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. 

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In today’s episode we sit down with Dr. Stuart Ablon. Dr. Ablon highlights the importance of empathy when trying to understand where behaviors are coming from. When the system is exhausted and stressed, a vulnerability exists to shift into highly punitive and compliant based consequences. Dr. Ablon teaches us that the issue many of us are facing with our students is that there is a large gap between the skills they are showing up with versus the expectations they are required to meet.

Dr. Ablon is the Founder and Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. He is the author of three books, including Changeable, Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach, and The School Discipline Fix. One of the world’s top-rated thought-leaders and keynote speakers, Dr. Ablon teaches educators, parents, clinicians, managers, and leaders a very different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior of all types and in all people. Dr. Ablon has helped hundreds of organizations throughout the world implement the Collaborative Problem Solving approach.

Intro song: Poet's Row, Young Bones

J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychologist, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School, Founder and Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and the author of three books, including Changeable, hand-picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, dan Pink and Susan Cain for their Next Big Idea Club. One of the world’s top-rated thought-leaders and keynote speakers at conferences including SXSW, TedX and NATCON, he teaches a very different approach to understanding and addressing challenging behavior.

Dr. Ablon received his doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and completed his training at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. A dynamic and engaging speaker whose appearances include SXSW, NATCON and a TedX talk watched by hundreds of thousands of viewers, Dr. Ablon was ranked #5 on the list of the world’s top rated keynote speakers in the academic arena. Dr. Ablon trains parents, educators, and clinicians, and helps organizations throughout the world implement the Collaborative Problem Solving approach.

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Managing Challenging Behavior in Kids - They Lack the Skill, Not the Will.

Kids with challenging behavior are tragically misunderstood. It’s time for a more compassionate and effective approach. 

Dr. Ablon is director of Think:Kids, a program in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. (MGH)

MGH is the #1 ranked Department of Psychiatry in the US, and is a teaching hospital of Harvard Medical School.

Tired of meltdowns, nagging, yelling, and constant power struggles between you and your child? Is challenging behavior tearing your family apart? If behavior charts, rewards and punishments aren’t working, Dr. Ablon knows why!

Research shows challenging kids lack the skill, not the will, to behave.

Kids really do well if they can and if they aren't, it's up to us to find out why. Learn how on this podcast.

https://thinkkids.org/

These past months and weeks have put tremendous stress on families across the country, on top of the daily challenges we were already navigating. And under tremendous stress, it can become even harder to regulate our emotions, leaving our kids – and even us – struggling with challenging behavior. 

In today’s episode, Dr. Stuart Ablon, Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, joins Gene to talk through strategies to help you and your kids do the best you can right now. A huge part of this is changing our mindset to remember that challenging behavior is about skill, not will – none of us act out on purpose. Kids behave well if they can, and so do parents. Tune in for ways to focus your energy on building new coping skills for the whole family. 

Thank you for joining in this conversation. Have questions or comments about addressing kids' climate anxiety? Write to us!

Media List

• THINK:Kids (Massachusetts General Hospital)
• Helping Kids with Challenging Behavior, featuring Stuart Ablon, PhD – Shrinking It Down (MGH Clay Center)
• Guide to Mental Health Resources for COVID-19 (Massachusetts General Hospital)
• George Floyd: What happened in the final moments of his life (BBC News)
• Calling out racism isn't political. It's our moral imperative. (The Week)
• The Impact of Racism on Child and Adolescent Health (American Academy of Pediatrics)
• How Racism Harms Children (Harvard Health Blog)
• Rethinking Challenging Kids - Where There's A Skill, There's A Way (TEDx Talks)
• Getting It Right: Collaborative Problem Solving for Criminal Justice (National Institute of Corrections)
• Council of Juvenile Correctional Administrators Toolkit: Reducing the Use of Isolation (National Institute of Corrections)
• The Importance of Sleep for Kids' Emotional Well-being (MGH Clay Center)
• Calming Your Anxious Mind Through Rhythmic Movement (ACES Connection)
• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (Wikipedia)
• Collaborative Problem Solving Trainings (Think:Kids)

Episode produced by Sara Rattigan 

Episode edited by Joshua Eng

Music by Gene Beresin

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rewards. Punishments. Incentives. What parent hasn’t used one or all of these when trying to navigate challenging behavior in their kids? These might be great strategies when the root of the problem is a lack of motivation. But in reality, that’s not often the case. The truth is, for most kids – and even adults – “bad behavior” isn’t about a lack of will, but rather a lack of skills like flexibility, tolerance, and problem solving.

The great thing about skills is that we can practice and acquire new ones! In this episode of Shrinking It Down, co-hosts Gene and Steve welcome Dr. Stuart Ablon of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital to talk about his new book, Changeable, and how parents can help their kids to overcome challenging behavior.

Thank you for joining us in this journey and conversation. If you have a question or comment about this episode, we’d love to hear from you! Write to us here.

Media List

·      Changeable (J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D.)

·      Think: Kids, Collaborative Problem Solving (Massachusetts General Hospital)

·      Justin Trudeau’s son throws hilarious tantrums on state visit (Yahoo! Lifestyle) -

·      Help Anyone Change Their Behavior – Even Yourself! (Psychology Today) 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Stuart Ablon is the director of Think:Kids, a program in the Department of Psychiatry at the Massachusetts General Hospital. After he spoke to attendees at the Governor's Summit on Innovative Education, he sat down with Gov. Burgum to have a conversation about behavioral health in an educational setting.

To learn more about Dr. Ablon's work, visit thinkkids.org.

Psychoanalysis and dynamic psychotherapy have been criticized as too time-consuming, costly and even ineffective. Dr. Raymond Levy and Dr. Stewart Ablon, of the Psychotherapy Research Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, discuss their recent evidence-based research into these long-term therapies. What differentiates psychoanalysis and dynamic psychotherapy from other types of therapy, and are these therapies more effective for specific disorders? Dr. Lee Freedman hosts.